I'M A BOY!

Now I have discovered a few things about myself that I'm sure I never knew before, things like how I now find it the funniest thing in the world when someone farts, I mean I finds it so funny that even when half asleep when someone farts I will burst out laughing(now if that doesn't scream "I'M A BOY!" i don't know what does...) but not only does that make the giggles come spilling out of me, it's also the fact that I have now found the Lost ark... " Mom, Dad, i have news for you... i have a... i have a WINKY! YAY ME!!!" i just want to play and play and play, even when mommy tries her hardest to keep my hands away- particularly when my nappy is being changed, because that's when my fingers end up with more nappy cream than my bum and bits do... the other day when it was sooo hot, mommy and aunty pip (i mean Robyn)got my old baby bath- i say old because now I'm a big boy and my legs are to long to fit so i use the big boy bath- and put some water in it for me to swim in- Yes i said swim, you see my mommy and daddy don't love me enough to buy my a pool, those cheap skates- Anyway so now I'm sitting outside in the nice sunny weather in my "pool" but I'm to busy discovering all that i can about my new appendage that i don't care about splashing and enjoying the cool water over my Buddha belly! but then the thought goes through my head, "if i stare at it too much will it fall off? Hmmmm these are the things that haunt me! anyway i think I'll have to just check up on it at the next nappy change..." Hey hey hey mom guess what... it's still there, woohoo woohoo woohoo, I'm gonna play with it, and I'm gonna stare at it, and I'm gonna name it, i think I'll call you 'Stealth Ninja Man' why you ask? well it's because he disappears when mommy puts my nappy on but is there when she takes it off again, so there you have it... 'Stealth Ninja Man'

So pain here we come...

Captains Log: 26/09/09 7.30pm

So we have discovered uncharted territory in the crevice that is my mouth, there are two white sharp formations on the mounds of pink fleshy stuff, i think they call them teeth??? (don't ask me, i have no idea) but they really really hurt! the tip of my finger was nearly lost into the oblivion, OK OK i know it's only a finger tip but in its defense it is one of the top ten in my favourite finger tips category...

Anyway i know that most people would say that at least it's not mommy's nipple, but HA HA i laugh in your face... I haven't bitten it- YET!!!(mommy says- "TOUCH WOOD...then reminds herself not to go and jinx it now you dumb ass!!")

Well now that the little meilie munchers have arrived i guess it means that moms furniture is not as safe as it used to be... oops sorry forgot I'm not the dog!!

I am just getting so big now, i don't think I'll get to the piggy back stage with mommy quick enough, i'm so heavy as it is( or at least that's what she always say...), mommy doesn't want to break her back now, maybe she'll be the one getting the ride soon... after all at seven months i am almost already past half mommy's height!
"Gee mom what a shorty!"- oh and not the rapper kind either, just the plain old short kind!

Aidan changes his tactics

Now i really don’t know what is going with this funny little boy of mine…

i seriously think he is trying to decide which stage he would like to go through first he has the whole squeak like a Guinea pig thing going but at the same time he has the whole caveman thing going for him too, i don’t think he is too sure whether he wants to squeak or grunt… come on boy make a decision!

Anyway if it’s confusing me what is it doing to my poor bug? But anyway he is still getting all the things that he wants and needs, at least he still getting dinner on time( we all know what stage he will pick if he doesn’t…)and he wont be happy with that, his new favourite thing to chew on? well a piece of cucumber of course, his sharp little gums peel through the thicker outer skin and then he sits gobbling up the softer inner flesh and the pips are all across the face, eyelashes and all.

so with all the teething that is happening in our house we gotta tell you Aidan is not the only one who’s hurting… i mean yes Andrew and i hurt because we feeling bad and just as frustrated as Aidan is, but the point is mommy is hurting more, lets just put it plainly, Aidan is like a pit bull that has a piece of meat hanging from his jaws, he bites down and shakes his head side to side for all that his little life is worth…. and we all know just how much he is worth, I'm just surprised how a nipple has such a strong will to survive… It just refuses to let go, sometimes i just wish it would cause something's gotta give and i know for certain Aidan is stubborn just like the rest of mommy’s family.

Anyway now that he has got to the caveman stage and has decided that if something comes in to reach and it doesn't get thrown on the floor or taste tested first he then needs to see if its  going to make a noise so he needs to pull on it, this is why i don't go to the hairdresser anymore (i have one at home, but he doesn’t do a very good job he neglects the left side of my head) and also the reason I had to get rid of the pet guinea pig, he kept pulling its hair which made me quiet sad, it hurts you know… this is how it makes me feel about it!

 

Say yes to the drugs

See now I’m an advocate for drugs, now I’m not talking the heroin and cocaine variety, (as Whitney said, CRACK IS WHACK!) No, no, no I m talking the Voltaren suppository kind...if someone offers it to you, my advice? TAKE IT! You’ll regret it later, I know I did! I thought I was brave, I thought I was strong, man was I wrong... when my spinal wore off damn I thought I was sliced in half(OK OK so I had been, but no-one told me the drugs would wear off so quickly) alright so I suppose sitting bolt upright ½ an hour after a c- section's not the smartest thing to do, but in my defence I wanted to cuddle my new dolly, I mean baby....(oops), anyway the phrase sweating bullets well meant nothing to me, it was more a case of sweating bricks...the 5 min it took the nurses to get my drugs for me seemed like 5 hours, bet Aidan never thought his mom would be playing Hot Potato so soon after he arrived but dad was almost caught right off guard as I passed Aidan off to him. Lucky Andrew has huuuuuge hands! Anyway the meds eventually get to me after I think I’ve died and that there is no way anyone can bring me back from the light, alright alright so I’m exaggerating just a bit but damn it was raw...
Now after the catheter is taken out they break the news to you that you now have to put the suppositories up your butt yourself... I can tell you now that sticking a torpedo shaped blob of medicated Vaseline up my naught is creeping me out round about now, so I do what every self respecting person would do... pretend I don’t know how! So I flash my sweet smile and cute dimples and inform Constance of my unfortunate predicament, lucky for me she smiles and says she would guide me through it, so off we go to the bathroom for my suppository insertion 101 lesson, now half way through telling me the ins and outs of the matter, Constance decides to just do it for me anyway- “YES I got out of doing it”
Little did I know that was to be the last time she would be doing this for me... Mind you I did have to learn sooner or later, it wasn’t as if I could just take Constance home with me(wish I could have though, she was lots of fun always had something funny to say and always smiling.)
But six months on and I still remember the pain as clear as daylight-take the damn drugs you wally!

Hospital maddness

Now when you go into hospital like i did, it's with excitement and exhaustion. so i get wheeled down to theatre must have thought that if they allowed me to walk i would've ended up rolling down like a bowling ball i mean i certainly was big enough... and my anaesthetist gives me my spinal and go instantly numb,now the dreaded catheter, i was hoping for my doc to do it well since she's the only other person that knows my nether regions personally.... but noooo! i see this masked man heading for me with my pee tube... and lo and behold he's Austrian or German or something like that,(now my mind is screaming at every nerve and muscle in my body to run) well that's fun i have the terminator sticking tubes into my bits... when he's done he stands to one side and pretty much uses all his body weight to push this being from my belly. And all i keep thinking is "this is way to much alien for me!" My loving husband then disappears, leaving me with my thoughts of the terminator and how he just squished my baby out, i thought things couldn't get worse but the "Arnie" came to chat, yes that's right, CHAT? this is the guy that has just acquainted himself with my area 53 and now he wants to chat, seriously now? "no sir i don't feel Uncomfortable at all, you have just seen parts of me that not even my closest friends have" and " no i will probably be spending the weekend at home with my new baby,yes i suppose i do feel like i constantly need to pee now..." -WEIRD!!! But now it's six months on and i think the hospital caught me out, i don't have a human baby they gave me a guinea pig that's a human lookalike, because the sounds out of that child's mouth i have only ever heard a guinea pig make?! Whats up with that?

Aidan chooses to play

So Aidan decides that it's time to eat so i whip out the boob as quick as i can so to avoid any anger and screaming, only to find that he isn't really hungry, he just wants to play, but just you put that boob away and see what happens... meanwhile in this cold weather he'll suck once or twice just to get the nipple wet, then much to my disgust pull away... yes pull away can you say cold? BRRRR!! The little rotter thinks this is funny as hell and giggles with delight!

The rules and regulations that babies follow

So this morning Aidan and i had a long chat about the things that babies are required to accomplish before mommy and daddy cotton on... Little did we know that children have rules of manipulation set up right from conception. The rules are as follows: (please remember that i got this straight from the horse's mouth) 1: As you grow inside your mother try make her feel as sick as possible- morning sickness- good, morning and afternoon sickness well that's great, but morning, afternoon and evening sickness-YOU ROCK! 2: Try grow as big as you possibly can, reason? Well so that you can squish as much air out of moms lungs as you can... 3: (is a continuation from 2) So you can also giggle with daddy every time mom needs to get up off the couch.... It's HIL-AR-IOUS! Another thing you could use this rule for is laughing at her as she rolls over from side to side in bed, she sounds like some farm animal being tortured...oh yes and keep all the weight distributed in the front so she looks like she'll topple at the first sign of a slight breeze! 4: (This one is all about timing!) Wait till mom is ready to go into a meeting with her boss, then quickly give a sharp kick into her bladder, and watch as everyone around laughs as she TRIES to run to the loo,(ever seen a fat penguin try run?) 5: (This one is for when we have entered the world in the most dramatic ways) when mom tries to breastfeed, latch on nicely then when she tells everyone how great the two of you are at this new skill, just STOP! let her boobs get full and leaky, just because she jinxed it... 6: Now as you get older and have learnt how mom and dad react to your voice, SCREAM, SCREAM and SCREAM some more until it looks as though their heads are ready to explode then just stop and look at them as if they were hearing things and give them a BIG gummy smile! 7: Now when starting solids, make it look as though you have been doing this for ages, then all of a sudden when mom and dad thought they had this down, start eating like a monkey, try with two fingers in the mouth to start with then gradually move to the whole fist, so as to make as much mess as humanly possible! 8: Chew on absolutely everything make sure nothing has gone unchewed, so that when mom or dad touches something it's coated with juicy saliva... Mmmm! and one of my personal favourites... 9: throw your toys far and wide , and every time they are picked up do it over again so it looks as though mom has done no housework for the day.