Hospital maddness

Now when you go into hospital like i did, it's with excitement and exhaustion. so i get wheeled down to theatre must have thought that if they allowed me to walk i would've ended up rolling down like a bowling ball i mean i certainly was big enough... and my anaesthetist gives me my spinal and go instantly numb,now the dreaded catheter, i was hoping for my doc to do it well since she's the only other person that knows my nether regions personally.... but noooo! i see this masked man heading for me with my pee tube... and lo and behold he's Austrian or German or something like that,(now my mind is screaming at every nerve and muscle in my body to run) well that's fun i have the terminator sticking tubes into my bits... when he's done he stands to one side and pretty much uses all his body weight to push this being from my belly. And all i keep thinking is "this is way to much alien for me!" My loving husband then disappears, leaving me with my thoughts of the terminator and how he just squished my baby out, i thought things couldn't get worse but the "Arnie" came to chat, yes that's right, CHAT? this is the guy that has just acquainted himself with my area 53 and now he wants to chat, seriously now? "no sir i don't feel Uncomfortable at all, you have just seen parts of me that not even my closest friends have" and " no i will probably be spending the weekend at home with my new baby,yes i suppose i do feel like i constantly need to pee now..." -WEIRD!!! But now it's six months on and i think the hospital caught me out, i don't have a human baby they gave me a guinea pig that's a human lookalike, because the sounds out of that child's mouth i have only ever heard a guinea pig make?! Whats up with that?