Say yes to the drugs

See now I’m an advocate for drugs, now I’m not talking the heroin and cocaine variety, (as Whitney said, CRACK IS WHACK!) No, no, no I m talking the Voltaren suppository kind...if someone offers it to you, my advice? TAKE IT! You’ll regret it later, I know I did! I thought I was brave, I thought I was strong, man was I wrong... when my spinal wore off damn I thought I was sliced in half(OK OK so I had been, but no-one told me the drugs would wear off so quickly) alright so I suppose sitting bolt upright ½ an hour after a c- section's not the smartest thing to do, but in my defence I wanted to cuddle my new dolly, I mean baby....(oops), anyway the phrase sweating bullets well meant nothing to me, it was more a case of sweating bricks...the 5 min it took the nurses to get my drugs for me seemed like 5 hours, bet Aidan never thought his mom would be playing Hot Potato so soon after he arrived but dad was almost caught right off guard as I passed Aidan off to him. Lucky Andrew has huuuuuge hands! Anyway the meds eventually get to me after I think I’ve died and that there is no way anyone can bring me back from the light, alright alright so I’m exaggerating just a bit but damn it was raw...
Now after the catheter is taken out they break the news to you that you now have to put the suppositories up your butt yourself... I can tell you now that sticking a torpedo shaped blob of medicated Vaseline up my naught is creeping me out round about now, so I do what every self respecting person would do... pretend I don’t know how! So I flash my sweet smile and cute dimples and inform Constance of my unfortunate predicament, lucky for me she smiles and says she would guide me through it, so off we go to the bathroom for my suppository insertion 101 lesson, now half way through telling me the ins and outs of the matter, Constance decides to just do it for me anyway- “YES I got out of doing it”
Little did I know that was to be the last time she would be doing this for me... Mind you I did have to learn sooner or later, it wasn’t as if I could just take Constance home with me(wish I could have though, she was lots of fun always had something funny to say and always smiling.)
But six months on and I still remember the pain as clear as daylight-take the damn drugs you wally!