The rules and regulations that babies follow

So this morning Aidan and i had a long chat about the things that babies are required to accomplish before mommy and daddy cotton on... Little did we know that children have rules of manipulation set up right from conception. The rules are as follows: (please remember that i got this straight from the horse's mouth) 1: As you grow inside your mother try make her feel as sick as possible- morning sickness- good, morning and afternoon sickness well that's great, but morning, afternoon and evening sickness-YOU ROCK! 2: Try grow as big as you possibly can, reason? Well so that you can squish as much air out of moms lungs as you can... 3: (is a continuation from 2) So you can also giggle with daddy every time mom needs to get up off the couch.... It's HIL-AR-IOUS! Another thing you could use this rule for is laughing at her as she rolls over from side to side in bed, she sounds like some farm animal being tortured...oh yes and keep all the weight distributed in the front so she looks like she'll topple at the first sign of a slight breeze! 4: (This one is all about timing!) Wait till mom is ready to go into a meeting with her boss, then quickly give a sharp kick into her bladder, and watch as everyone around laughs as she TRIES to run to the loo,(ever seen a fat penguin try run?) 5: (This one is for when we have entered the world in the most dramatic ways) when mom tries to breastfeed, latch on nicely then when she tells everyone how great the two of you are at this new skill, just STOP! let her boobs get full and leaky, just because she jinxed it... 6: Now as you get older and have learnt how mom and dad react to your voice, SCREAM, SCREAM and SCREAM some more until it looks as though their heads are ready to explode then just stop and look at them as if they were hearing things and give them a BIG gummy smile! 7: Now when starting solids, make it look as though you have been doing this for ages, then all of a sudden when mom and dad thought they had this down, start eating like a monkey, try with two fingers in the mouth to start with then gradually move to the whole fist, so as to make as much mess as humanly possible! 8: Chew on absolutely everything make sure nothing has gone unchewed, so that when mom or dad touches something it's coated with juicy saliva... Mmmm! and one of my personal favourites... 9: throw your toys far and wide , and every time they are picked up do it over again so it looks as though mom has done no housework for the day.